Jan Fran the Redneck

JD wuz read’n an article about rednecks to me. One of the things it said was that being a redneck means a lot more than just bein a country person. It also said that if you have ever met a true redneck you know that they are people who are very happy and carin. JD and I agreed that us rednecks also have a really good sense of humor. This is because we do not have a lot of money and so us rednecks have know how to figure out how to have fun without spendin much of our money. My buddy JD enjoys these activities that are considered redneck activities:

• Nascar
• Huntin
• Fishin
• Workin ’round their homes
• Wokin in their redneck yards

I like those redneck activities too, cept for huntin. I’m not much for huntin since I can’t even kill those big ol’ 4 inch long beetles that run around here in southern AZ. I know I’m still a redneck, though. When I ain’t distracted with Woody, I’m a thinkin I make up for not hunting with my yard. I do cook whatever JD hunts or runs over after he’s dun cleanin it.

It said that some folks believe that rednecks only live in the country, but the truth is we also live in urban areas and even in big cities. JD and I agree with that. We are here in that there area referred to as urban. Of course, it is really easy to spot a redneck like JD whenever he is in the big city cuz he’s the ones who is a wearin a cowboy hat, shorts, and boots with a bottle of Jack in his hand. Thers a lot of funnin made at redneck’s expense, but rednecks like JD, me, and Woody, well…we really do believe that bein called a redneck is a grand honor.

It had how folk can evaluate if they are a real redneck. Some traits that identify a redneck include:

• Purchasing a home that has a lot of grass that needs to be cut
• Absolutely having to have candy in your house
• The cat that eats at the table
• When taking your dog for a walk both of you use the same tree (dang…I didn’t think anyone was looking!)

I liked what he was readin because they said if there were more rednecks in the world it would be a better place. Me and JD agreed. There would be peace cuz nobody could afford to fight for a long time. Plus most rednecks been drinking too much Jack to be able to stand long after the firs few punches. I would agree with the article that there would be more equality because everyone would be the same cuz instead of money bein important, for us rednecks, life is about what is truly important. It’s about good ol’ stuff like boats and the length of our uncut grass and how many junk cars are in a redneck yard.

Well, I’ve been a bit busy lately, I got me a new fella. So I’m a sorry if I haven’t been post’n about my redneck yard. I never even got those pics up of the dying weeds.

JD thinks I don’t need him as friend no more. I think he’s jest jealous cuz this fella don’t try to fatten me up! JD is scared I’ll be stayin skinny. I think JD is a thinkin if I really like this guy, we’ll be doin some “exercising” and I’ll be back down to my old weight, which of course JD thought I was a dyin back then, cuz I was so skinny.

Well, my new fella, Woody, could never replace my good buddy JD cuz, JD has been around for a long time and then some and he’s jest bout like family. JD and I still have supper once a week so he should be a thinkin we are still best buds. I keep them two boys apart because they start posture’n like a couple of roosters! You’d never a think they were full grown men when them boys gits together.

My redneck yard has been neglected. I been spendin time with Woody and haven’t had as much time fer postin. Seein this fella has also takin up time I would’ve had to be a postin for all you fine folk who are looking to have a real nice redneck yards like mine.

I’m a try’n to learn some balance here and fit my new fella in my life. I really don’t recall the last time I went out with someone more than three times. The first time out fer a few beers, some shots, some more beer, and then some shot drinkin games, I can usually figure out if they are datin material. Sometimes I jest can’t help it, I go out on a second date of a few beers, some shots, some more beer, and then some shot drinkin games, cuz I wanna make sure I was correct on my first evaluation of the situation. I’m a gitten too old to spend time with a fella jest for the “exercise”!

Well, the next few weeks I’ll be posting more fer sure. I’ve been feelin pretty bad neglecting this blog and keeping the pics of those dead weeds to myself. I sure hope Woody understands that it jest might take me a bit to balance him, my new internet stuff, and my redneck yard.

So, I wanted to let you know that I’m still around. Well, unless me and Woody start “exercising” I will be back more. This dang AZ heat, which may be dry sometimes (but there ain’t no comfort knowing I’m uncomfortable feeling like I’m being baked alive instead of steamed alive!) has been a sucking all my energy out and jest a dryin up any motivation. Monsoons will be here any day and the eves will be a cooling off and it’ll rain most every night. Come the morning sun, it will be hot again with high humidity. Dang I didn’t want to be a thinkin of that.