Jan Fran’s Redneck Yard

My sweetie Woody had to work last night when my sis, Jan Ann, came a visitin from the city. I got JD to take us girls out. Some of those boys at the bar had some darn good redneck pick up lines. I didn’t fergit about my man, JD, but it was mighty temptin.

Jan Ann was put off by those boys. She jest don’t know what she’s missin out on! I guess she’s use to the pick up lines that city boys use! I helped JD by a passin some of the good ‘uns on to him. I think he got a date with one of the hot redneck pick up lines I passed on to him.

Here iz some of the hot redneck pick up lines me and my sis heard at the honky tonk last night.

“My love fer you is like diarrhea, I can’t hold it in.”

“Can I see if I can suck off that food stuck in yer teeth?”

“Come close, baby, smell my breath. Does it smell bad? Do I need a mint?”

“Your place or your place, my place has a bad smell I can’t get rid of.”

“You look so good I wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a homemade biscuit.”

“Less teeth means more room for your tongue.”

“You musta farted, cuz you jest blew me away.”

“Come on over to my place and lets take a shower together….you smell.”

“How many shots of Jack Daniels will it take until I look good enough to go home with?”

“No teeth means no bite marks to explain to your boyfriend.”

“I gotta sit here till its safe to go back over there where I jest farted.”

“If you were a green slimy booger, I’d still pick you.”

“I may look like crap, but I iz as sweet as can be….just like chocolate.”

“Your blue eyes remind me of my blue toilet bowl water back home.”

“You like skittles? (yes) I got some in my mouth right now if you want to taste the rainbow.”

“Ain’t we cousins? I’m good in bed, so I bet you are too, lets find out.”

“My pants   are wet, can I get into yours with you?”

“I’m so turned on by you, I’m ready to lick the film off the teeth you got left.”

If me and Woody don’t work out, I’ll be back over there getting to know some of those smooth talkin boys with those hot redneck pick up lines!

I recently wondered……….where do rednecks come from?

I know being a redneck has to do with more than driving a pick-up truck and calling everyone you know, and their dog “Bubba.” I know what I like most about rednecks is that they really do not feel a need to impress people with their outward appearance. I know rednecks feel sorry for people who spend a lot of time in college just so that they can drive a BMW, wear a Rolex or own an Armani suit.

I do know that a person who is a real redneck does not feel as if they should brag about financial stuff. You won’t hear about some redneck farmer talk about the $5 million that he just invested in farm equipment, which they only use for a few weeks each year. You will hear that same farmer brag about how much Jack he drank last Saturday night, though!

Today, there area lot of information about the redneck philosophy. The well known redneck comedian Jeff Foxworthy, trys to explain these things at his shows, in his books, and on tour. There is little information on where rednecks came from and redneck history. I thought I’d help my sis, Jan Fran out with her blog today so her and Woody can go have some fun. I did a little research on redneck history and here is some of what I learned.

Redneck history facts:

True rednecks are actually the descendants of the Ulster-Scots and Lowland Scotlands.
Rednecks came to North America from Northern Ireland and Scotland in the late 17th and 18th centuries.
Rednecks also descended from people of Germany and some Scott-Irish as well
Rednecks are primarily of Celtic origin and not Anglo-Saxon.

The original rednecks had the following in common with rednecks today:

Loyalty to kin
Mistrust of governmental authority
Military readiness

The first rednecks were encouraged to settle in the Appalachian mountains. They had a lot of things in common with the Native Americans in that area and thus befriended and began trading with them. As rednecks reproduced and recruited new rednecks, they spread throughout the country and even can be found living within city limits.

More redneck history information can be found in James H. Webb’s book, which is entitled “Born Fighting.”