Jan Fran the Redneck

Well, I wasn’t sure my new fella, Woody, was much of a redneck, but last night sitting out by the BBQ pit in my backyard drinking some Jack, some beer, and a little more Jack, he was telling me with a tear in his eye, how he lost custody of his hunt’n dog when him and his old lady got divorced. He said he fought long and hard for that dog. He still hasn’t got that stain from the dog on the carpet cleaned up yet. I guess the first time Woody cooked supper fer himself after his wife left him for the guy who unclogged their toilets, he had some leftovers. It was before the custody hearing for their hunt’n dog and he still had his dog. Woody, scaped the leftovers out of the pan and gave em to his dog, Jake. Poor Jake was sick for 2 days! He couldn’t afford to be gitten his carpet cleaned cuz he had to give all his money to the layer in hopes to win custody of Jake. He lost custody and only gits the dog 3x a year fer hunt’n, but of course he misses having the dog livin with him all the time. After court, Woody  jest couldn’t stand to have the carpet cleaned…..so he keeps his reminder of those days when it was jest Jake and him.

In the moonlight there reflecting off the ol Buick with the stars overhead, I saw Woody in a whole new light, while he was passed out, drooling, and snoring on my lap.

Well, I’ve been a bit busy lately, I got me a new fella. So I’m a sorry if I haven’t been post’n about my redneck yard. I never even got those pics up of the dying weeds.

JD thinks I don’t need him as friend no more. I think he’s jest jealous cuz this fella don’t try to fatten me up! JD is scared I’ll be stayin skinny. I think JD is a thinkin if I really like this guy, we’ll be doin some “exercising” and I’ll be back down to my old weight, which of course JD thought I was a dyin back then, cuz I was so skinny.

Well, my new fella, Woody, could never replace my good buddy JD cuz, JD has been around for a long time and then some and he’s jest bout like family. JD and I still have supper once a week so he should be a thinkin we are still best buds. I keep them two boys apart because they start posture’n like a couple of roosters! You’d never a think they were full grown men when them boys gits together.

My redneck yard has been neglected. I been spendin time with Woody and haven’t had as much time fer postin. Seein this fella has also takin up time I would’ve had to be a postin for all you fine folk who are looking to have a real nice redneck yards like mine.

I’m a try’n to learn some balance here and fit my new fella in my life. I really don’t recall the last time I went out with someone more than three times. The first time out fer a few beers, some shots, some more beer, and then some shot drinkin games, I can usually figure out if they are datin material. Sometimes I jest can’t help it, I go out on a second date of a few beers, some shots, some more beer, and then some shot drinkin games, cuz I wanna make sure I was correct on my first evaluation of the situation. I’m a gitten too old to spend time with a fella jest for the “exercise”!

Well, the next few weeks I’ll be posting more fer sure. I’ve been feelin pretty bad neglecting this blog and keeping the pics of those dead weeds to myself. I sure hope Woody understands that it jest might take me a bit to balance him, my new internet stuff, and my redneck yard.

So, I wanted to let you know that I’m still around. Well, unless me and Woody start “exercising” I will be back more. This dang AZ heat, which may be dry sometimes (but there ain’t no comfort knowing I’m uncomfortable feeling like I’m being baked alive instead of steamed alive!) has been a sucking all my energy out and jest a dryin up any motivation. Monsoons will be here any day and the eves will be a cooling off and it’ll rain most every night. Come the morning sun, it will be hot again with high humidity. Dang I didn’t want to be a thinkin of that.