Jan Fran the Redneck

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF…..

You have stolen from a scarecrow and the clothes fit

There are more than 10 pending lawsuits against your dog

Home shopping network recognizes your voice

Your old living room furniture is now your new lawn furniture

You have a specific set of hats to wear to specific activities like farm show, vacation, the ar, party, beer drinking

Christmas tree is up in Feb

You wish your bathroom was as nice as the rest stop at the state park

You never buy B-tips because your keys work jest fine

There are more dishes in your sink than your cabinet

Your porch is bigger than your house

If you have ever been asked to leave a yard sale

Bikers back down from your mama

One of your kids are named after your favorite hunting dog

Your definition of a woman who is “out of your league” is a woman who doesn’t bowl in the same league that you do

My cuzin Elly and I were a talk’n and discussin bein’ a redneck. I got her to write down about bein’ a redneck. Here’s what she wrote:

Being a redneck means a lot more than just being a country person. If you have ever met a true redneck you know that these people are very happy and caring. They also have a really good sense of humor. This is because they do not have a lot of money, so they have had to figure out creative ways to have fun without spending a lot of money. Redneck activities include NASCAR, hunting, fishing and working around their homes and in their yards. Redneck yards and redneck homes may not look liked they are worked on, but if you are observant you can find some very creative contraptions in a redneck yard and a redneck home.

A lot of people believe that rednecks only live in the country, but the truth is that they also live in urban areas and even in big cities. Of course, it is really easy to spot a redneck whenever you are in the city as they will be the ones who are wearing cowboy hats or trucker caps (which should never be confused with a baseball cap!). Rednecks honestly believe that being a redneck is a great honor, so you will not find them hiding who they really are at home or in the city.

There are some ways in which you can determine if you or someone else is a real redneck. One way is to do the “You might be a redneck if……” tests that Jeff Foxworthy has made so very famous. Here are a few:

You may be a redneck if……….

• You purchased a home that has a lot of grass that needs to be cut (and know it will stay that way after you move in)
  
• Absolutely have to have candy and moon pies in your house
• Have a cat that eats at the table
• When you take your dog for a walk both of you use the same tree
• Involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog

(Dang…..she sounds like me and JD. Maybe we sound like her…..I just don’t know! Sorry fer any repeatin’ on this. I’m going to blame it on the Pabst Blue  Ribbon Beer Ellie brought here to me. I bin drinkin it with my Jack !)
Me and Ellie do belive if there were more of us rednecks in the world it would be a better place. They’d be peace in the world cuz nobody could afford to fight fer long. Eventually good ‘ol Jack would kick in and there’d be some pass’n out eventually. We’d all be equal cuz instead of money being important, the things that are truly important in life (bass boats, the longest grass, and who’s turn it is to pick up the keg) would level out the classes.