Jan Fran's Redneck Yard

Redneck Laptop Case

Jan Fran — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 14:01:00 +0000

Even us rednecks must admit they is usin modern technology. I recently ran across a couple of do it yerself projects fer anyone who wants to make them selves a redneck lap top case. These here are great ideas and also recycle and reuse!

Make a REDNECK LAPTOP CASE OUTA PLASTIC BAGS

Make a REDNECK LAPTOP CASE OUTA CARDBOARD

Fer those rednecks who don’t read stuff much, hers the video fer makin the redneck laptop outa plastic bags:

Redneck Valentine Recipe

Jan Fran — Sat, 31 Jan 2009 12:55:28 +0000

I was jest so excited when I found this here recipe to make for my redneck sweetie, Woody, on Valentine’s day. It is pretty sweet, so I guess I better git it to him before he starts up a drinkin. I will add some more whipped topping for the Circus Peanut Salad when I serve it to Woody. I could even make it into a pie with a cookie crust. this here recipe for a my redneck Valentine’s Day is a real find.

You Might Be A Redneck

Jan Fran — Wed, 10 Dec 2008 13:38:18 +0000

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF…..

you think the mall and Wal-Mart are one in the same

your weed eater has never actually been turned on, but you find it really hand to keep a door propped open

you have borrowed your dog’s flea and tick shampoo and conditioner

you have been fired because of your appearance from a construction job

there are more than four cars up on blocks in your back yard

you have color-coordinated rope that ties down your hood

your hunting dog had a litter of pups in your living room and nobody noticed

you have to hit the dashboard of you truck to get the radio or lights to work

your two year old has more teeth than you do

you have a preschooler who is a member of the NRA

you think a turtleneck is the main ingredient of soup

You Might Be A Redneck

Jan Fran — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 13:29:16 +0000

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF…..

You have stolen from a scarecrow and the clothes fit

There are more than 10 pending lawsuits against your dog

Home shopping network recognizes your voice

Your old living room furniture is now your new lawn furniture

You have a specific set of hats to wear to specific activities like farm show, vacation, the ar, party, beer drinking

Christmas tree is up in Feb

You wish your bathroom was as nice as the rest stop at the state park

You never buy B-tips because your keys work jest fine

There are more dishes in your sink than your cabinet

Your porch is bigger than your house

If you have ever been asked to leave a yard sale

Bikers back down from your mama

One of your kids are named after your favorite hunting dog

Your definition of a woman who is “out of your league” is a woman who doesn’t bowl in the same league that you do

Thanksgivin Redneck Blessing

Jan Fran — Sat, 01 Nov 2008 12:35:56 +0000

This her video is from last year, but I jest couldn’t stop laughin!

Rednceck Bucket List

Jan Fran — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 16:25:11 +0000

I jest saw “The Bucket List”. The price finally jest got low enough in price for me ‘n Woody. So got us some moon pies, beer, a bottle of Jack, and some more beer and watched the movie. We liked what we remember seeing in the movie. Those boys musta been rednecks to have their ashes put in a Choc full o’Nuts coffee can! Me ‘n Woody just loved that part! Well, me an Woody came up with our own little bucket list.

Redneck bucket list:

1. Put beer in a bucket of ice

2. Do some luvin on a John Deer tractor

3. Climb a water tower and paint our initials

4. Cut the weeds down and find out exactly how many cars are in Woody’s backyard

5. Attend the official Redneck Olympics

6. Get drunk at the Jack Daniels distillery

7. Makeout in the backseat of a race car that was in a NASCAR race

8. Have a couple of Jack Daniels tins set aside for our ashes

Woody is still passed out on the couch, I better go git him up to go feed them there dogs of his.

Washin a Redneck Truck

Jan Fran — Wed, 01 Oct 2008 12:34:39 +0000

When washin yer redneck truck, it might not be needed fer you to git out of the truck. A real redneck can git the inside of their redneck truck washed up at the same time!

WARNING-SOME ADULT CONTENT AT THE END OF THE VIDEO!

Complicated Redneck Family Tree

Jan Fran — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 12:47:42 +0000

Dang! I thought my redneck family tree was a bit complicated. Don’t watch this here redneck video drunk cuz, it’s a hard thing to do to keep up when I was a sober!

Hot Redneck Pick Up Lines

Jan Fran — Sat, 13 Sep 2008 15:10:53 +0000

My sweetie Woody had to work last night when my sis, Jan Ann, came a visitin from the city. I got JD to take us girls out. Some of those boys at the bar had some darn good redneck pick up lines. I didn’t fergit about my man, JD, but it was mighty temptin.

Jan Ann was put off by those boys. She jest don’t know what she’s missin out on! I guess she’s use to the pick up lines that city boys use! I helped JD by a passin some of the good ‘uns on to him. I think he got a date with one of the hot redneck pick up lines I passed on to him.

Here iz some of the hot redneck pick up lines me and my sis heard at the honky tonk last night.

“My love fer you is like diarrhea, I can’t hold it in.”

“Can I see if I can suck off that food stuck in yer teeth?”

“Come close, baby, smell my breath. Does it smell bad? Do I need a mint?”

“Your place or your place, my place has a bad smell I can’t get rid of.”

“You look so good I wanna put you on a plate and sop you up with a homemade biscuit.”

“Less teeth means more room for your tongue.”

“You musta farted, cuz you jest blew me away.”

“Come on over to my place and lets take a shower together….you smell.”

“How many shots of Jack Daniels will it take until I look good enough to go home with?”

“No teeth means no bite marks to explain to your boyfriend.”

“I gotta sit here till its safe to go back over there where I jest farted.”

“If you were a green slimy booger, I’d still pick you.”

“I may look like crap, but I iz as sweet as can be….just like chocolate.”

“Your blue eyes remind me of my blue toilet bowl water back home.”

“You like skittles? (yes) I got some in my mouth right now if you want to taste the rainbow.”

“Ain’t we cousins? I’m good in bed, so I bet you are too, lets find out.”

“My pants are wet, can I get into yours with you?”

“I’m so turned on by you, I’m ready to lick the film off the teeth you got left.”

If me and Woody don’t work out, I’ll be back over there getting to know some of those smooth talkin boys with those hot redneck pick up lines!

Waterslide and Rednecks Video

Jan Fran — Fri, 01 Aug 2008 12:27:23 +0000

This here hot summer is a close to windin down. Here’s some rednecks coolin themselves down on a redneck waterslide. Now don’t be tryin this at home (or at the neighbor folks). As fer as I know, no rednecks were a hurt durin the makin of this here video.

Make sure you watch fer the “Big Wheel Division”!